Yesterday was a huge rollercoaster for me. But through all of it, i know that God was there.
I had my Xseed exco elections and i really wanted toget in. I was so prepared, i knew my speech would have wowed the audience. Then i had a shortfall when they decided to keep strictly to the 3 min timing. I just couldnt produce the same effect my original speech had. I think i just machine gunned as many things as i could.
Then during the qna ithink i could have done better. I only managed to give 1 good answer. the other 2 questions were relly lousy.Hai...I know I had friends in the room voting for me and for that i cant thank all of you guys enough. That you guys took time off to vote. When it came down to voting, i remembered that all i asked God was "please let me win. But God you decided. If you dont want me to win, please just not let it hurt. Please let it be painless."
True enough God did just that. I didnt get in. I was really really disappointed. Apparently Xander saw that the minute he announced the results. He told me that he really wanted me to get in and i had lost by just a few votes..And i kept thinking that what if evans and xue er came t vote. would that added 2 votes have changed anything?
I dont know..i just know that God was there with me. I know it may sound very boastful, but this has to be a sign that im growing..To not ask for A or B but to ask that God guides you to the path he wants.
And im thinking of finally getting baptized. My mum didnt baptize me as a child because she wanted me and my 2 sisters to make that decision for ourselves. I m really scared about going in alone though. I know that it probably shows my comittment, But God i hope you understand what i mean.
God i feel like im getting there but im just not quite there. I need to understand all this. I want to know you and hear you. Please speak to me.
Take care.
