I dont know how to express how much this means to me. This is everything i did wrong and what i have to learn.
Everyone hears and knows of the fruits of the spirits; Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. But i never realise until i thought about it; God develops the fruits of the Spirit in you by allowing us to experience circumstances in which we're tempted to express the exact opposite quality.
Temptation works in a 4-step process, sometimes skipping a step. The more i read and meditate on it, i dont know..i really wish i had done these devotionals and learnt these lessons sooner. I felt everything that i realised was the devil robbing me.
First Satan identifies a desire in me.
There can be no temptation unless there is that desire within you.
For me, it was an intense need for physical affection. I really missed you. I know you have your comebacks, but i loved and missed your hugs and even holding hands with you. I longed for this physical affection. Hai im really wanna beat myself up for everything. Always beware of shortcuts. Hai I had the exact thoughts that were taught to me..."You should have it now...", "It will be comforting, you'll feel better.." I cant believe i let myself think it was ok to do what i did. ARGH
!@$ myself..hai..
Step 2 is doubt. This happens when he makes you think if what you're about to do is really wrong.
I think this is the most dangerous part and the part i have to fight with. Satan used what i valued most when makign decisions: my logical rationalization. Yeah i know that now, thinking back, how could i possibly have thought that asking for a break, doing everything i did, was ever NOT wrong. I cant believe he made me think that it was ok..hai..i cant believe i allowed it to happen.
Step 3 is deception. Nuff said.
Finally, Disobedience.
I dunno i wish i had learnt about temptation..i hate that i didnt do enough devotionals when i was younger..
Dear God, please let me learn to be confident and not be overcome by temptation. Teach me to refuse to be intimidated by the temptations of the devil. Help me to recognize the patterns of my temptations so that i may be prepared for it. Finally i ask that you give me the strength to stay true. I know that the biggest reason for my fall is that i can't take it and i always falter. I ont want to God. I dont even want the temptation in mylife but i can't avoid it. I'm so sorry for what ive done. I really love you. I want to turn back time so that i would never have taken the road that the devil led me down on..the worst part was that i let him. God why did i not turn to you. I wish i had been stronger to put an end to it in the beginning. That i had godly counsel guiding me. Please be my counsel and my shepard.
God please answer my prayers, im tired but i'm resisting temptations every minute. I dont want to feel tempted God. Its really hard. I need you with me every day, every night.
Amen.
