Today was all about loving and worshipping God in your entirety...not partially but with every cell in your body.
I dont know what to make of it. I know that this is something mel and i argued about a lot. I guess i learnt a lot from today...I mean God made every single one of us different. Yet in church you see so many people praising God the same way. It jsut makes me think if people who aren't that close to God yet, grow up mimicking the christians around them whom they look up to..Just like a baby learns things from the people around him and parents that he looks up to.
I guess Mel was really being a superb christian and teaching me the way she knew best; How God speaks to her and vice versa. I rememebred that she got annoyed when i sat down while everyone else was standing during worship, iguess ultimately how she got frustrated that she felt she was pulling me constantly and it tired her..And me being me, i didnt know how else to praise God, and i tried to follow the people all around me. No surprise that things didnt end well.
I learnt that i am part naturalist and part caregiver...I realised since army that i really see nature and its beauty, and it never fails to remind me how great God is..and also that i just find myself in an awkward place without someone to care. Kinda what lifes like now..but i cant let that affect me.
I really do love God. I just wish i could hear him. That is my goal by the end of this 40 days; to be able to hear God. I mean i do want a relationship with him. But how do you build a relationship with someone you cant hear or see? My life seems so tosy turvy..i'm seeing why God didnt allow my prayers to be answered. I am still too unstable.. I need to find my center and stablise my life. If not how can i even expect to balance someone else. Thats one thing i finally realise now. i know its stupid but i wish it wasnt just me hearing this.
Before i end off, i feel like i have to recount this story about the differences in praising God really needs mentioning. Ive heard it for the second time in my life, but each time i think of it, read and speak the words, it never fails to touch me.
Matt Redman, a worship leader in England, tells how his pastor taught his church the real meaning of worship. That worship wasnt only about songs, about playing an instrument, not even about singing alone. To show that worship is more than music, he banned all singing in their services for a period of time while they learned to worship in other ways.
By the end of that time, Matt had written this classic song:
I'll bring you more than a song,
For a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear.
You're looking into my heart.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about you Jesus.
Well to the world out there, my name is Iain and today is Day 13.
God, i want to hear you and know you.
