Today is Day 14.
I had the incredible chance of meeting xinyi today. Xinyi is honestly a great girl hai.. I mean Damien is really lucky to have her. I mean sure she has her flaws but then again, honestly, who doesnt? Shes just nice to talk to, i swear i plan to make her the incoming voice in my head. The proverbial angel on my right shoulder..
Well today is day 14 of my fasting. Few days ago, something happened that really made me want to break my fast and get some answers. But i decided to hold strong to my fast and avoid anything for 40 days. God please speak to me and let me hear you.
Today i learnt that God is sometimes distant. He is always there, but not always speaking. He does it to give us trials of distance to help us grow. I guess thats what happened? and thats whats happening.
I realise that what i did awhile back, though pretty blasphemous..was kinda wrong yet not so wrong...I mean Job told God exactly how he felt. He was being honest to God. But i think where Job and I differ, is that he continued to trust in God, while i lost faith in him. I guess i failed that test huh...
God's omnipresence and manifestations of his presence are 2 different things. One is a fact; the other, a feeling.
I guess looking back, I dont know. I really feel like i really lost everything. I lost everything that was dear to me. I lost my love, my life, my balance. God i just lost everything. I know that you did it on purpose. But please give me the strength.
God my life is just really unbalanced. I need help, i need you. God help me to hear you and know you. Please correct my life.
