Well today marks the begining of half my fast over.
I dont know. i feel as if God is constantly reminding me about my fast
i try to forget it. But i think by trying to forget, i end up forgetting not my sacrifice, but why im doing it and that fasting isn't supposed to be easy.
I really want to find God. I want to hear God and have a conversation with him. That is honestly one of my deepest desires. I have so much i wanna ask him about. I really need to speak to him.
I feel that sometimes I think hes trying to show himself to me but sometimes im not sure. Like today, I was messaging a friend and before the reply came i had this feeling inside me about the answer. I mean, is that God speaking to me? this Guts feeling? i dont know. Another day, i had a dream. A dream so intense and so real, though i really wish it was. I know God speaks to people in different ways, but i feel like hes trying various ways to show me how he CAN speak to people.
God i need to talk to you. Search my heart and please believe me when i say i need to hear you.
I saw something today which really got me down. I don't know what to make of it, or if God intended me to see it. But it really affected me. I wish i knew what to do. I'm thinking of finding a place of fellowship. Im feeling this deep void and my heart is full of questions. I'm just feeling so lost. i dont know what to do, or who to listen to, if the path i'm taking is right, or in need of correction. Hai, wherever you are God, i ask of you tonight as i have every other night since i started my fast. Please let me hear you and get to know you.
Amen.
