Today's verse is 2 Corinthians 3:18.
It reads "As the spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more."
I know this is really coincidental...like most of the thigns i learnt on my fast.
I guess one of the reasons that im in this state, is that i'm not living up to my potential as God's creation. More importantly, im not living up to my potential of being me. I screwed up, i missed the boat and most of all i forgot my reason on earth. I realised something that most christians know, but soon forget;
"We are created to serve God, not the other way around."
Sadly all we do is ask God for this and ask God for that when it was him who created us for his purpose. If we love God like we do anyone else; our family, friends, loved ones, and we gladly do things for them, we buy our loved ones presents, remember anniversaries, birthdays, yet we find it so hard to do the exact same thing for God. I know i am equally gilty of all these things.
This point was one reason why i'm even on my fast. How can i expect God to help me and give me what i love, if the one i love is something that i put before God? I need to take time to remember where my priorities lie. I guess that this was something i always struggled with. I loved you so much, took so much effort and went through so much pain to get you. I prayed every day, and when i finally got you, I forgot who was the one who allowed me to have you. I kept tellign myself that if God asked me for anything, i would do it, short of giving you up. It felt like Abraham, except refusing to give up his son. I dont know. I remember asking myself that question so many times, and my answer was either i dont know, or that i couldnt and wouldnt give you up for God.
Sadly, thats probably the reason why ive lost you now. And until i know how to prioritise my life, I dont think God is going to allow me to ever get you back. Now here i am, taking the hard path when i had the easy path infront of me so many times. I guess sometimes you dont realise what the easy path was until you finally walk down the hard, rough road.
Anyway, its not about this now, its been over 3 weeks and i know that things are different in my life. Ive felt small changes and i dont know, i guess its God doing his work. Ive been having really disturbing and stressed up dreams everyday lately. It seems to coincidental that ive been getting so many dreams. I guess its good cause it shows God is actually talk ing to me. I just wish God could find a nicer more telephone-like way to talk. Who am i to question him.
God, i really do want to be more like you. Change me and fill me with your spirit. I know that i have sinned and this is my consequence. I jsut ask that you use my lfie now and make my future better. I know what i did wrong and i ask that you please help me correct my alignment. Make me ensure that you are the first in my eyes.
God i pray that you change me for the better, please speak to me and that i may hear you loud and clear. I want nothing more than to draw close to you so that i may have a conversation with you. You know i have so many things i need to ask you. God i commit all my problems to you, knowing that no one else can come close to helping me solve them.
Be the captain of my ship, and the driver of my heart.
Amen.
