Yesterday was such a tiring day i just didnt have energy to blog, but from the depths of my heart, yesterday changed my whole life. gl'Amour was tiring, hard and time consuming, but every minute on the dancefloor made everything worthwhile. There were so many emotions i just cant describe it. I was so nervous about the dance, so happy that i performed well, touched that my friends and family came, relieved yet sad that its over, upset at the inadequacies of the planning yet thankful for the time the choreographers invested in teaching us.
Im so thankful that my friends came to watch me; Audrey, Nana, Clarence, Wei Yuan, Jeanette, Kenneth, Angeline, Tiff (who missed BOTH my performances), Mark, Xinyi, Esther, Lydia, My mum, dad, G, Aunty Jez and Michaelia. I love you guys all so much! thanks so much for everything. You guys who are so dear to me know who you are, again thank you so much...you know if none of you came, i know i'd still be performing for God, to whom i dedicated the days towards gl'Amour to, but this made things so much happier..but all in all, I really wished you could've come though...If anyone had to come, i really wished it was you. I started learning to dance firstly because i wanted to surprise you and be able to be involved in a part of the arts that youve always wanted; dance. Also, i only started to love dancing the day i learnt how to box-step-waltz for our anniversary. In short, without you, i wouldn't have been where i am today, and if anything, the dances i did, were partially dedicated to you. But obviously i dont and didnt expect you to wanna come..i just hope that wherever you are, you were happy.
There are so many days i keep wanting to break my fast and i constantly have to turn to God to help me honour my fast. God i ask that you please recognise my fast. This is my first time doing something like this, but please acknowledge it. I dont know what im doing, people have told me not to, but i trust in you Lord. That you will make things right if i choose to listen. I feel like ive grown some security from this fast. I dont know what to do once i finish. Hai..currently i really dont want to dwell on it. If anything, i'll let God direct me. God please let me hear you.
Jesus told Peter "You do not realise now what i am doing, but later you will understand." God i know some of the reasons why you have done what has been done. I'm sorry about how much ive neglected you. How much closer i couldve been. I do love you. I really will try to put you first in my life. For i know that everything that comes before you, will never remain in my life. hai i just wish i could ask you about what to do. I dont know how to continue my life. What to say or what to do. There are so many questions unanswered Lord. Please put me at ease and speak to me.
One thing that i always think about its that i fear for the future. God you see straight into my soul, you know whats on my mind. Please speak to me and answer my prayers Lord. I am confused and i desperately need you...
Yesterday was all about God's gift to you.
These words really hit me:
"What you are, is God's gift to you;
What you do with yourself, if your gift to God."
I really feel like i should be giving to God's ministry. I remember afew years back i wanted to serve in the kid's ministry together with Mel. I dont know but i somehow feel like in the whole ministry, thats somewhere i can be, somewhere i can be of value.
Today was all about having the heart of a servant.
Matthew 7: 16 tells us that "you can tell what a man is, by what they do."
I realise that one of the hardest thing about being a servant for me, is maintaining a low profile. I find it so hard to do so. Maybe a part of me seeks appreciation. But that doesnt mean that i do things for the sheer purpose of doing so. I dunno. I know that God should be my only audience. The only eyes that count. God please forgive me.
I know that you have created me for servanthood. I knew it because i felt this need to do things for people. I really gain happiness from being able to do something for someone and watching them smile. Even if its fetching a stranger on the road down to the busstop at shelford. God please be with me everyday of my life.
Please let me converse with you. There are so many things i need to talk to you about. God hear my prayers, God answer my prayers. Once again i thank you so much for making Sunday a success. Without you, my performance could only be a fraction of what it was...My learning can only be attributed to you.
Hai i have a headache. God, be with me as i sleep and may my day be as productive as ever. Let me have a chance to once again be a servant for you. Love you God. Take my headache away and help me run away from the devil's temptations. I need all the help i can get in catching up with my schoolwork, God youve brought me through gl'Amour, bring me through this.
Amen.
